So, I have what might be considered a divisive parenting opinion… In our house, we don’t do Elf on the Shelf. Don’t get me wrong—I think it’s a fun tradition for many families! But after thinking through how we want to celebrate the holidays, we decided it’s not the right fit for us. Here’s why:
1. The Holidays Should Be About the Holidays
For us, Christmas is about keeping our children focused on the heart of the season. The real reason we celebrate is to honor the birth of Jesus and cherish time with family. Santa plays a role in our celebrations because we love keeping the magic of Christmas alive, but we want to raise our girls with the understanding that kindness, generosity, and love aren’t tied to whether or not elves are reporting back to the North Pole. It’s important to us that our kids don’t feel like they need to behave well just to earn gifts.
2. It Doesn't Fit with How We Gift
In our family, Santa always comes—naughty or nice. Instead of an emphasis on behavior, we give three gifts from Santa every year to represent the three wise men’s offerings:
Gold – Symbolizing time spent together as a family. This could be tickets to a show or a special day trip we’ve planned.
Frankincense – Symbolizing the offering of our hearts and minds to Jesus. We’ll gift a book or something to help our girls grow spiritually.
Myrrh – Representing scent or fragrance. For toddlers, this has been bubble bath or toys, but as they grow older, this might be a perfume or something age-appropriate.
The idea of the Elf on the Shelf just doesn’t align with this approach because there’s no “reporting to Santa” in our home. We want our daughters to understand that kindness and good behavior are expectations we hold for our family year-round—not just during the holiday season for the sake of receiving presents.
3. We Make Magic in Other Ways
Instead of an elf, Mrs. Claus makes a special appearance in our home! Every year, she sends a letter on December 1st to kick off the Christmas season. The letter arrives with Christmas-themed pajamas, a few seasonal books, and a special task to complete based on our daughter’s age. This tradition creates excitement without the daily pressure of moving an elf around. Plus, it’s something I can manage without adding extra stress to the holiday season.
If you are interested in learning more about how we incorporate Mrs. Claus into the Holidays stay tuned for a “How to” post with printables coming soon!
4. It's a Lot of Effort
The holiday season is already busy, and as much as I enjoy creating special memories, I don’t want to add more chaos. I’ve seen the frenzy of parents forgetting to move their elves or stressing over coming up with creative new ideas every day. For me, that’s just too much. I’d rather focus my energy on a few meaningful traditions that I can maintain without feeling overwhelmed.
5. It Doesn’t Match Our Parenting Style
We want to avoid using outside sources (like an elf) as a tool for behavior management. Instead, we work to encourage our girls to make good decisions because it’s the right thing to do, not because someone is watching. The holidays, for us, are about joy, family, and celebration not behavior manipulation. We want to foster an environment where kindness and love are values they hold dear regardless of the season.
For families who do Elf on the Shelf, there’s absolutely no judgment here! Every family has traditions that work for them. As they say, “You do you, boo.” But if you’re a new mom or just starting a family, I encourage you to be intentional about the traditions you choose.
Ask yourself:
Is there meaning behind this tradition?
Does it promote the values I want to instill for years to come?
Is it something I can realistically uphold year after year?
I’d love to hear from you—what’s your opinion on Elf on the Shelf? Do you love it, or are you skipping it like us? Let me know in the comments!
Until Next Time,
Comments